Tiger Woods Mock Press Conference - I mean really, what can he say?

Posted on February 17, 2010 by admin

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Tiger Woods is scheduled to speak at the TPC Sawgrass, PGA Headquarters in Florida on Friday, February 19, at 11 a.m. EST.

Apparently, media access will be limited for this event. Of course, why would Tiger Woods want to speak to hundreds of reporters? He has been splashed all over the tabloids since a car accident occurred outside his Florida home in November. Since the accident, women started coming forward claiming to have had affairs with the famed golfer.

With such a famous interview coming up, here’s a mock press conference from Snort Report’s very own Piggy Poo.

Piggy: Tiger, let’s get right to the point. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!?

Tiger: Great question Piggy. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking with my brain or my heart. Elin is obviously a very beautiful woman and I’m lucky to have 2 children with her. I guess the old adage of, “you always want what you can’t have” somehow applied to me. My narcissistic desires were too much to overcome. And honestly Piggy, I am going to have to live with this forever.

Piggy: There are some mysteries regarding the night of your accident. Rumors are always floating everywhere. Were you physically assaulted by Elin?

Tiger: Piggy, let’s figure this one out together. My car hit a tree at about 5 miles an hour and the back window of my Escalade was hammered out by a golf club. I had cuts on my face and hands. 9-1-1 was dialed and Elin was nowhere near me when the police arrived. What do you think?

Piggy: I think Elin took a golf club to your face in a fit of rampage after she found out how many affairs you’ve had.

Tiger: I think you’re much smarter than your porky nose shows.

Piggy: Ok Tiger. So we’ve established that you’re a basically a male sex machine and that you have no limit to your lustful desires. Is the married life, a monogamous relationship, really what you want in your life?

Tiger: Piggy, you said it yourself. You think Piggy took a golf club to my face. Would you want to live with a woman like that for the rest of your life?

Piggy: Good point Tiger. And my answer is simple…. if she’s as amazing on the inside as she is on the outside, HECK YES!

Tiger: Elin Nordegren is absolutely incredible. Ultimately though, she’s probably not the one for me anymore.

Piggy: What do you expect to happen in your life from this point forward?

Tiger: Well Piggy, I think I’ll just go out and win a few more golf championships and celebrate my victories with… well… hmmmm…… maybe I’ll have Dennis Rodman teach me how to party.

Piggy: Good luck Tiger! America loves a champion. Here at SnortReport.com we hope you find the success and true happiness we’re all looking for.

How do you feel about Tiger Woods? Please leave a comment…